Bargains
by burnthehousedown
Summary: Begins right after the scene in the pilot where Hef tells Billy over the phone that he can't fire Carol-Lynne. She appears in the doorway of Billy's office to rub it in, and then it goes a little AU from there.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction, so hopefully I've gotten some things right :P Just a warning, it is very smutty so don't keep reading if you're not into that. This is for all devastated fans of The Playboy Club - let's hope it gets released on DVD!

Carol-Lynne stepped through the doorway and walked up to Billy's desk as he hung up the phone. He gave a sigh of resignation, bemoaning the fact that as powerful as he felt on a daily basis, he was never fully in control.

"What did Hef have to say?" Carol-Lynne asked, shooting Billy a victorious glance.

"I think you know," Billy countered, the scowl on his face darkening. A laugh escaped Carol-Lynne as her face lit up with a wicked smile.

"It _is _nice to have someone who loves you enough to do anything for you."

"Don't kid yourself," Billy said, his eyes never leaving hers. "Hef doesn't love you – the only reason he's doing this is so he can keep doing _you_."

"What?" Carol-Lynne's smile left her face as quickly as it had appeared. She couldn't manage to form any other words. Billy had talked down to her before, but he had never gone this far.

"You heard me: this is about sex, nothing else. I'm sure if Hef thought he could keep you around without giving you a job, you wouldn't be here right now."

Carol-Lynne walked away from the desk towards the wall, turning away from Billy. She was not going to lose it, not in front of him.

"If this was all about sex," she ventured, still with her back to him, "then why wouldn't he just pay me for that?" She found the gall to turn around and face Billy once more, trying to burn a hole through him with her eyes.

"He is. What else do we need you for here?" Carol-Lynne just stared at him. These were the exact thoughts that had been plaguing her for the past year and as much as she tried to hide them, she couldn't refute her own fears. If she felt worthless, there was nothing she could do to stop others from holding the same view.

"Face it," Billy continued, unwilling or unable to put a stop to his malice, "you're just a piece of meat – and one that won't be good for much longer."

A heavy silence followed, during which Carol-Lynne kept her eyes trained anywhere except for Billy. Finally, she met his gaze and moved one step closer to his desk.

"Thank you, Billy, for your honesty. It'll make every conquest that much sweeter, knowing that I – a rotting piece of meat – can still manage to capture a greater number of offers than you: offers for drinks – and more." With these last two words, she took a final step towards the desk so that she was touching it with her dress and what Billy could only imagine was beneath it.

"I have no doubt that's the case," Billy said, regaining his composure. "We were never arguing about your sex appeal."

"Really?" Carol-Lynne intoned, resting her hands on the desk and leaning forward. "I thought we were – my mistake. So you do think I'd be worth sleeping with?"

"I – " Billy didn't have a chance to finish his thought or his sentence.

"For free or for money? Am I worth fifty bucks? A hundred?"

"You're not a hooker," he managed to get out. He had no idea how their conversation had gotten on this track.

"That's right – I'm a Playboy Bunny: always on display, never to be touched," her eyes turned glassy (were they tears?), "unless the person who wants to touch us is important enough. Then we don't have a choice in the matter."

"You didn't want to sleep with Hef?"

Carol-Lynne shook her head, looking away from Billy. "I don't know. I thought I did. It seemed like the right thing to do, like I _should _have wanted it, so I guess I convinced myself…and now there's no turning back. Maybe I made a mistake – "

"You left Dalton for your pride: that was a big mistake."

She couldn't help it. She was losing it. "How dare you even begin to guess at my reasons for leaving Nick? What do you know about how I feel?"

"I know how things work. I know that the best thing you can do for yourself is find men who are willing to take care of you in exchange for the right to use you for…well, whatever they feel like."

Her makeup couldn't hide the vivid blush in her cheeks as her gaze fell to the ground. It was partly anger and partly self-loathing that caused her face to turn red. She brought her gaze back to Billy before she broke the silence between them. "You don't know anything." Her voice was low and ragged and it stirred something like desire in Billy.

"All I'm telling you are pure, undeniable facts. You're nice to look at, Carol-Lynne, but soon you won't be and then you'll need even more protection."

"You want me to give you money to keep me in a job?"

"Actually, I was thinking of a different kind of payment."

"I don't need anyone to fuck me to feel good about myself!" God, she hated herself when she lied.

"Come on, how many guys are you already keeping happy? What's one more person to be indebted to?"

"You're an asshole," she spat, unable to believe this situation or to walk away.

"Look, I'm not going to force you into anything. I just though you should be aware that I could give you even more benefits, if you promise to do what I say."

Carol-Lynne thought she could feel her spirit being torn into shreds as she closed her eyes and slipped her coat off her shoulders, letting it fall to the ground. In another time, in another place, maybe she would have been able to choose a different path. Tonight, though, her future had already been laid out before her. She opened her eyes and drew on all her remaining energy to adopt a seductive tone. "What do you want me to do?"

So she let him touch her, let him run his hand slowly up her thigh, lifting her dress as he went. She let him sit her on the desk, yanking her underwear down and spreading her legs before leaning in to kiss her again. His mouth was rough and he made no attempt to conceal his desire. She let him undo his own belt and watched his pants fall down to his ankles, revealing the hardness stretching his boxers out in front of him. She let him thrust first one, then two of his fingers inside her, curling to hit her spot in a way that only created pain. Her building climax gave her no pleasure, for she knew that it was only bringing her closer to losing her last scrap of dignity. When Billy removed his fingers, she thought she might be saved, but he replaced it with his throbbing cock, slamming into her more savagely now that his own gratification was involved. Carol-Lynne took a small comfort in the fact that she had made him hard, that he was still getting off to her – in her – which gave her a perverse sense of purpose. _See? _She could almost see herself taunting him as he continued to move rhythmically inside her, grounding her by keeping his hands on her ass. _I am still good for something – or would you prefer to continue without me?_

Her face twisted in torment as she began to feel herself coming. She didn't want to give Billy the satisfaction of seeing her satisfied, but she didn't see what she could do about it. He had angled himself just right (she bet he knew it, too) and it would be a struggle not to scream, but she would at least try. She had to.

"Oh God, I've wanted to fuck you for so long," Billy said into her neck.

"Well, fuck me then," she gasped back. "Fuck me harder." Maybe additional pain would make this all more bearable.

"That is the sexiest thing I have ever heard." Carol-Lynne faltered at the sincerity that shone through Billy's words and suddenly her mind was on fire. Why did he want this? _What _did he want? As she felt her muscles contracting, she sensed Billy open his mouth again and braced herself for whatever was coming next. "You're the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

She couldn't take it. She fell tumbling over the edge and took him with her, both of them crying out and gasping for breath at the same time. She couldn't correlate how awful he'd made her feel before and how fantastic he'd just made her feel. Did he really mean what he'd said? She became aware of the hot weight of his body standing over her and looked up into his eyes. His face was kind and frightened, all at once, and something registered in her mind that she wasn't able to articulate, even to herself.

"Thank you," she said, with her eyes locked on his, then leant in to rest her head on his shoulder.

"Thank you," he breathed into her ear, and a smile spread across her face that wasn't wicked at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN**: Sorry it's taken me so long to update! I wasn't going to continue this story, but **Gemini Explorer** convinced me that there was more I could do with it. Thank you so much for your encouragement! **Truly123**: Maureen makes an appearance at the end, just for you ;)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own 'The Playboy Club' or any of it's characters *sad face*

As she stood onstage, bathed in light, Carol-Lynne wished for once that she wasn't the focus of everyone in the room. It felt like they could see right through her eyes to her mind and as she caught sight of Billy talking to Nick in front of the bar, her stomach dropped inside her and she thought: _they probably can_. She sucked in a painful breath and continued to sing, praying she wouldn't forget the lyrics while she struggled to figure out what the two men were talking about. That was exactly what she needed, to completely massacre her set in front of Billy and Nick and then be forced to explain herself to them both. She could only hope that Billy wasn't telling Nick at that moment what had happened between them last night. She didn't know how to even begin to deal with it, but she knew that she didn't want Nick involved. Things with him were complicated enough as it was.

Watching her onstage, Billy was assailed with memories of the previous night. He had seen so much of her, far more than what she revealed when she performed, but she had left before he had time to figure out what any of it meant. Before he could pull his own pants up, she had hopped down from the desk, straightened her blouse, found her underwear and walked out of his office without a backwards glance, making him feel like he'd missed something. This thought was nagging at his mind – a nervous energy that he couldn't escape – and he knew that he had to talk to her if he ever wanted to be at ease again. The strangest part was that he didn't have the slightest desire to tell anyone about it. This scared him a little – a lot, if he was honest with himself. He was the first to admit that he loved to brag about his conquests. What was different about this one?

"I'm going to win her back," Nick said, breaking his train of thought. The tight feeling Billy got in his stomach hearing the confidence in his friend's voice frightened him even more than his inexplicable emotions.

Carol-Lynne stepped out of the light and off the stage. She wound her way around the tables towards the door to the dressing room, ignoring the gazes of patrons and the other bunnies. She hated being in her costume when she wasn't performing: as much as she loved being appreciated, she wanted it to be for _her_, not some fantastical version of her projected by a bunny tail and bunny ears. When she was offstage and still dressed up, she felt like the line between those two became too blurred – she didn't want to loose herself, no matter how much the imaginary her could achieve that she couldn't. She had almost reached the door when she felt a hand on her arm and instinctively turned around. Whoever it was, she was going to confront them directly so that she could get away as soon as possible.

"Hi," Nick said to her, holding onto her arm. "I was wondering if we could talk."

"Not now," she replied. "I need to get changed. You can let go of me," she added, looking down at his hand still clasped around her forearm.

Nick reluctantly released her arm but kept his eyes locked on hers. "Not now – does that mean you'll come find me once you're dressed?"

"No, Nick, I'm tired of looking for you and chasing you around."

"We can still talk, though, right? I'll come back to the dressing room; you just need to give me a chance to explain about what happened two nights ago."

Carol-Lynne sighed and focussed on avoiding the captivating smile that remained on his face, even when he was serious. It drove her insane. "I don't know if you deserve even that."

"Please at least think about it," she heard him say before she pushed open the door and moved out of earshot. She knew if she stayed any longer that he would succeed in convincing her to forgive him and she still had to figure out if that was what she wanted.

She was halfway out of her costume when she heard the door of the dressing room swing open. Her hands flew up to her chest and when she saw it was Billy who had walked in, her voice took on an anxious tone that she wished she could hide.

"Could you wait till I have something on?" she managed while turning away from him, trying to grab a towel that was draped across a chair without moving her arms.

"Why?" His voice dripped with condescension. "I saw a lot more of you last night."

"I don't know how drunk you were, but actually, you didn't," she countered. "I distinctly remember leaving my blouse on, so you barely saw anything at all."

"That's what you think," he said more quietly.

"What?"

"Never mind – it doesn't matter now," he reasoned, glancing at her again. "Just throw something on."

"Turn around," she demanded.

Billy sighed, but turned around anyway. The sooner she was dressed, the sooner they could talk and the sooner they were done talking, the sooner he could get away.

"I'm decent," he heard her mutter softly. He turned back to face her and tried not to picture the body he had just seen that was now concealed underneath her dress. "So?" she probed him. "Why are you here?"

"I saw you talking with Nick," he began.

"Yes, we do that sometimes. What's your point?"

It took Billy a moment to push aside her sarcasm and force himself to say what he needed to say. "You can't get back together with him."

"I can't?" In that moment, Billy wished he hadn't uttered those words at all. It seemed like whatever chance he may have had with Carol-Lynne was gone as soon as they left his mouth. "Firstly, last night you told me that leaving him was the worst mistake I had ever made, and secondly, where do you get off telling me what to do?"

Malice was all that could hold Billy together, seeing as he'd ruined everything already. "In my office, apparently, judging by the events of last night."

"Hello?" Maureen's tentative voice cut through the air. As soon as she appeared from behind the door, Billy's face contorted with remorse. _Of all the places to have this conversation_, he chided himself, then hurried out the door, giving Maureen a nod as he passed her. When she turned to look at Carol-Lynne, she was met with a gaze of pure hatred. Finally, Carol-Lynne turned back to the vanity she was standing in front of, shifting her focus to fixing her make-up.

After a moment, Maureen gathered the courage to open her mouth and say something to the other woman. "Are – are you with Billy now?" she asked, taking a step forward.

Carol-Lynne calmly replaced the lid on the lipstick she had been using and laid it gently back on the table. She turned and walked towards the younger woman with the same composure, but as Maureen looked down, unsettled by the lack of space between them, she noticed a slight tremor in the older woman's hands.

"Why, because you want to steal another man from me?" Maureen couldn't speak – she couldn't even get air into her lungs. "Go right ahead – it's no skin off my bones." Carol-Lynne stepped around her and moved toward the door, turning back to her when she reached it.

"Good luck sleeping your way to the top," she said to Maureen's back. "I know it will make you _very _happy." Maureen felt the pain of Carol-Lynne's words in the pit of her stomach and the sound of the door slamming made it all the more unbearable.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **Okay, I probably shouldn't have stayed up so late to finish this, but I'm addicted now – it's definitely a problem ;) I hope you like this chapter and for any of you who are into music, a great band called The Civil Wars has been a big inspiration for this story, especially their song 'Poison and Wine'. Give it a listen!

Her mordant words to Maureen had done nothing to quell her embarrassment. Why did Billy have to confront her in the dressing room? And of all the people to walk in on them…she couldn't think of a more anguishing situation. Noticing that there was no one at the bar whom she knew, she walked up and ordered a gin and tonic (without the tonic), downing it discreetly in one go when it arrived. To her horror, she heard a voice behind her as soon as she put her glass down. "Carol-Lynne?" She closed her eyes in frustration and took a deep breath before turning around to face the girl who seemed to have no choice but to encroach on her life.

"What?" she spat at Maureen before noticing the wetness gathering in the girl's eyes.

"I just…wanted to say that I'm…sorry," she managed to get out between uneven breaths. Carol-Lynne remained unfazed and continued to glare at the younger woman, waiting for her to say something else.

"I didn't know you were in the dressing room, or that Billy was with you." The words spilled from Maureen's mouth without grace or consideration; she hadn't expected to be able to speak for so long. "I needed to look for a spare pair of shoes for Janie because one of her heels broke and I just walked back there without thinking and I'm so, so sorry – "

"Stop." Maureen was making Carol-Lynne feel guilty for what she had said to her in the dressing room and that was the last thing she needed. "It's fine," she sighed, breaking eye contact with the other woman in the hope that it would encourage her to walk away. No such luck.

"It must be hard," Maureen ventured, "working in such an invasive environment for so long. You can't hide anything." When Carol-Lynne looked up, she caught sight of the men sitting at the nearest table staring at her and Maureen – well, Maureen's ass. She quickly averted her gaze and in the process spotted Nick and Billy on the other side of the room. They were both flirting with a group of female patrons, but as if he could feel her eyes on him, Billy turned towards her and met her gaze. Nick turned around too in response, but as soon as her presence registered in his eyes, Carol-Lynne felt compelled to move her gaze back to Maureen, scared of what she had seen.

"Well, you'd better get used to it if you want to be a bunny." Carol-Lynne could feel her resolve crumbling; her snarkiness was doing a terrible job of shielding her from this emotional assault.

"I know." The salty liquid in Maureen's eyes threatened to turn into tears, but she held them back. "I just don't know how to handle it yet. I wanted to come to you because – " she almost stopped when the older woman suddenly fixed her with a penetrating gaze, but she forced herself to keep going, " – because you do it with such dignity and…I thought I could learn something from you."

Carol-Lynne tried to laugh as she looked away, but she couldn't conceal the pain in her voice. "You've come to the wrong woman, Maureen. I don't have any dignity left; all I could teach you is how to throw it away." With that, she made her way toward the employee door that led to the back of the club. She was afraid that if she didn't get away from these people soon, she'd lose her ability to function at all.

Carol-Lynne felt relief wash over her as she stepped out into the alleyway behind the club. She leant back against the brick wall and closed her eyes, hearing the screen door slam shut. It was almost peaceful, being out in the crisp air – the only sounds ones of distant cars and distant music, with the murmur of voices floating above. Being this far away from any crowd, she could almost convince herself that she would never have to deal with her problems. Almost, but not quite: the murmur of voices turned into conversations in her head and she couldn't prevent her imagination from playing out all the possible words that could pierce her when she returned to the society awaiting her inside.

With her eyes still shut, she heard the sound of the screen door opening and closing again. At that moment, there were no words to describe her fury.

"Go away," she said in her most menacing voice. She refused to move or open her eyelids. "I don't care who you are, but if you don't go back inside right now and leave me in peace – " Her throat ceased to produce any sound when she felt a hand clasp around her wrist without a word being spoken from the person who had intruded on her privacy. Her eyes finally shot open and in front of her was a man who she vaguely recalled seeing in the club earlier that night. He was well dressed, wearing a suit and a tie (as was required to in order to gain entry into the club), but there was something in his face that evoked anything other than civility.

"I'm hurt," he said mockingly in a low, rough voice. "I thought we could have some fun together out here." Carol-Lynne's breath hitched as the man's free hand took hold of her waist and pushed her more firmly against the wall.

"There are people just inside that door," she rasped, "and if I scream they'll all come running out here. Do you really want that?"

"Oh, don't you worry about that. I made sure there was no one near that corridor or in any of the offices leading off it, so we have all the privacy we need." As he said these last words, he moved the hand on her waist to the inside of her thigh, lifting up the hem of her dress as he went. Every squeeze and brush of his hand was like a knife in her chest and she found herself gasping for air.

"Help!" She tried to cry out, but all she heard was a hoarse whisper.

" Shhhh it's okay. Doesn't that feel good?" The man spoke into her ear, pressing his body up against hers, making her stomach churn. When she felt him release her wrist and begin to slide that hand along the waistband of her panties, she thought she might actually throw up, but when her body jerked forward, her assaulter only exerted more strength in keeping her pinned against the wall. She wasn't going anywhere.

"What's the matter?" Carol-Lynne only heard the question he spat at her, for she had long since closed her eyes to the horror occurring around her. "You practically beg for this onstage. Who are you to complain when someone gives it to you?" This ignited something in the trapped woman, and she decided she at least had to fight back, even if there was nothing she could do to stop this.

"I don't ask for anything except a fucking tip!" The man pressed his hand harder against her core and she couldn't help but whimper.

"I hear that you screw any man who asks you to, so someone must be mixed up here." He used a free hand to unzip his pants and Carol-Lynne's stomach dropped.

"You're a fucking bastard."

"Why, thank you." The words rolled off his tongue as her panties were shoved down her legs. She exuded a frantic sob, but the sound was swallowed by the slam of the screen door opening once more. Carol-Lynne closed her eyes again when she heard the click of a gun being cocked – all she wanted now was to black the rest of this out completely.

"Step back," a familiar voice ordered, and for a moment her heart lifted. She felt the weight holding her body to the wall disappear, followed by the sound of hurried footsteps moving down the alleyway, towards the road. Carol-Lynne suddenly felt drained of all life force and allowed her body to fall down the wall and collapse on the ground. When she felt arms around her, she cringed and emitted a small, desolate scream, which caused the arms to move away immediately. "Carol-Lynne." The voice was much more gentle than it had been a moment ago. "You have to stand up. You have to come inside." With those words, she lifted her head sharply and looked Billy in the eye.

"I don't have to do anything!" she shouted at him, before bursting into sobs that racked her entire body, making it impossible for her to move anywhere. Billy knelt down to be on the same level as her, and when he tried to embrace her again, she didn't pull away. "It's okay," he said to her, not knowing whether it was, and he held her while her tears gradually soaked through his shirt.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update this story! It's hard to stay inspired when the show isn't airing anymore, but don't worry, I'm definitely going to continue with this until I can reach some sort of conclusion, and I promise not to rush into it ;) Let me know what you think! I love receiving reviews and it helps me to write what you want to read :)

When Carol-Lynne finally became aware of her surroundings, she was sitting in a car outside the Playboy Mansion. Billy's car. And Billy was sitting next to her in the driver's seat. Her first feeling was one of complete panic, but shame soon took over with devastating force. Looking down at her legs, she saw that her dress was torn along the hem and her shoes were missing.

"Where are my – " she began, turning to Billy without meeting his gaze.

"I took them off so you could walk more easily – you weren't really with it for a while, there."

"I – I can't remember…" This scared her more than anything else that had happened that night.

"It's okay, nothing happened. The jerk bolted as soon as he saw the gun."

"The _what_?"

"You need to rest. Go inside – you're safe now."

These words didn't give Carol-Lynne any comfort and she found herself stuck to her seat, unable to open the door. "I don't know that I am," she whispered, her eyes trained on the car parked in front of them.

Billy sighed. He had been lucky, walking out the back when he did, but even though he had saved Carol-Lynne – from what, he didn't even want to imagine – it felt like he had failed. Here she was, not able to bring herself to leave his car, and he couldn't do anything to help her. He could chase away her attacker, but he couldn't chase away her memories.

"Look, there are lots of people in there, Carol-Lynne. You'll be fine."

"I'm not fine!" She glared at him with glistening eyes and what he saw in them erased any words he may have hoped would mend her. She exhaled raggedly and turned away again. "How can I – " she began, but her voice gave out before she could go any further. She shook her head slowly and took a shallow breath before continuing. "I can't even protect myself from the dangers I place myself in."

Billy's heart grew heavier as he took this in. "This wasn't your fault," he said quietly.

"I'm not deluded, Billy. I know about cause and effect, about the consequences we have to live with when we make decisions, so it's all the more pathetic that I _can't _live with them."

"That's crazy." Billy was too scared to touch her, but he wished he could reach out to her face to make her look at him. "How is this guy attacking _you _a result of _your _decisions? You didn't have anything to do with – "

"I _need_ them to want me – God, I'm just as bad as Nick – and when they act on that desire – the very desire that allows me to go on – I can't handle it. What the hell am I supposed to do?" This last question was verging on hysterics. When she was done yelling, Carol-Lynne just stared at Billy with distraught eyes as if he actually had the answer she was looking for.

"I don't know," he finally said, holding her gaze even though it pained him to. "All I know is that you _did not_ bring this on yourself. No one has the right to demand sex from you," he hesitated for a moment, beleaguered by his own guilt, "or suggest that it's anything to be bought or earned."

Carol-Lynne took in the man sitting next to her who, just the night before, had made her feel both worthless and exceptional in the space of ten minutes. So many thoughts were flying around her head that she wished she had some sort of shield to stop them colliding and shattering into a million pieces. She couldn't lose any of them – they were the only things that could save her.

"Can you go inside with me?" she asked, searching Billy's face for something – anything – that could give her strength.

"You don't want me with you," Billy insisted. "All the girls will be home by now and Hef will be in there, too. You won't be alone."

"But I want you," she told him with all the sincerity she could muster. "Please. I don't want to be the old prude who people have to listen to or a prized treasure. Not tonight; I just want it to be over – "

"You're not an old prude," Billy assured her, and he was rewarded with a weak smile. He reached behind his seat and handed Carol-Lynne her shoes. "Stay there – I'm coming around to open your door."

They walked across the road together and up the pathway to the front door of the mansion. Carol-Lynne fumbled for her key in her purse, but she stopped when Billy pulled his from his pocket and held it out to her. "Thank you," she said softly before unlocking the door and holding it open for Billy to step through into the hallway. They made their way quietly up the stairs to Carol-Lynne's room, passing doors behind which they could hear squeals of laughter. Closing the door behind her, Carol-Lynne went to sit on the edge of her bed, not quite sure where to go from there. The blank expression on her face had fear washing over Billy once more.

"Do you need any help?" he asked, approaching the brunette cautiously.

"No. No, I'm fine," she replied, then cringed at her own hypocrisy. Regardless, she lifted her left leg and gingerly removed one of her heels before doing the same with the other shoe. Standing up, she stared at Billy until he turned around before reaching her hands behind her to try to unzip her dress. Her muscles were so sore from her assault, though, that she could barely touch the small of her back without pain jolting through her.

Hearing her whimper, Billy turned back around, his concern winning out over his modesty. "What's wrong?" he said, trying to meet her gaze while she was doing everything in her power to avoid his. Finally, she looked up at him with an expression of pure sorrow.

"I…can't get my dress off," she choked out. Without a word, Billy walked up behind her and gently pulled down her zip, making an effort not to brush his hand against her silk-like skin.

"Thanks," she uttered, just loud enough for him to hear her.

"Would you like me to go now?" Billy's anxiety was evident in his voice; so much was at stake here.

"No – please stay," she replied with a conviction that gave Billy some hope. He watched her as she let her dress fall to the floor and stepped out of it, walking over to her wardrobe to find a nightshirt. She placed it on the bed before turning away from Billy to remove her bra, but again, the strain was too much for her. She exuded a shuddering breath, gathering the strength to surrender even more of herself, and turned her head to the side without looking directly at the man behind her. "Can you undo this for me, please?"

Billy inhaled sharply, then walked forward to help Carol-Lynne take off the second-last article of clothing that she had on. He lingered behind her for a little too long and her voice was breathy when she finally broke his trance. "You can step back now." He did, and Carol-Lynne quickly pulled on the nightshirt that was lying next to her. When she turned to face him, Billy thought it was possible that her eyes contained a reflection of the hope that he was grasping onto.

"You don't know how glad I am that you're here," she said, sitting back down on the bed.

"I'm glad, too, but – I can leave whenever you want, or – I'm happy to stay."

He could see her mind processing the pain that his words had caused her and he hated himself for it. "I don't know what I want right now, Billy." He watched her brown, curly hair fall across her face and over her shoulders that rose with every breath that she took and his chest filled with so much longing that he had to remind his heart to start beating again.

Billy moved towards the bed, keeping an excruciating distance from Carol-Lynne. "All I want to do is protect you."

"I don't want to need you to protect me. I don't want to need anything."

"You _don't _need anything. You're perfect." Hearing this, she looked up at Billy with tired eyes.

"No one is perfect," she informed him.

"I don't want perfect. I want you."

Carol-Lynne's breath caught in her chest. The events of tonight were just too much to process. She needed to rest. She needed to know that everything was going to be okay. Glancing up at Billy, she made one more request. "Will you hold me while I fall asleep?"

"Yes." With that, he removed his own shoes before climbing onto the bed and wrapping his arms around Carol-Lynne's waist. She relaxed into him and he marvelled at how beautiful she was when she allowed herself to accept unconditional support from another person.

"Thank you," she murmured, her breathing becoming shallower.

"I love you," Billy replied, but she wasn't awake to hear him.


End file.
